Don't you want to stay
by Sugarbear16
Summary: Kensi is captured during her mission. What will get her through these dark times? Who will she think of to safe her life? Bad summary please read this is a Densi Fic
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Just a random idea that crossed my mind and how Kensi would be captured and how she would make it out of the mess she was in. Ideas suggestions or opinions I would love to hear them. Enjoy! Not sure if this is a one shot or if I will add more depends on what you all think. **

"_You know you're my favorite girl in the entire world." Deeks declared. _

"_You can't possibly know that since you don't know all the girls in this entire world." Kensi replied. _

"_I know enough of them. And out of the ones I know, you beat them all hands down." _

"_You know telling me about all the girls you know, it not exactly helping you." Kensi explained. _

"_That is because you haven't let me get to the best part yet." Deeks muttered as he walked up behind her. He wrapped one arm around her waist and let his fingers toy with the bare flesh over lower stomach. He used the other one to slide the strap of her tank top away from her shoulder to give him access to kiss her favorite spot. Kensi closed her eyes and leaned her body against him. "See I told you best part." Deeks purred as he continued to trail kiss up the side of her neck. _

"_Fine you win." Kensi reluctantly agreed. _

"_I do so love it when I win." Deeks said as he turned Kensi around to face him. "We are going to be late for work today." Deeks informed her as he lifted her up into his arms. _

"_You're late every day." Kensi panted in between kisses._

"_Touche Princess." Deeks responded as he sat her on the kitchen counter, and pulled her tank top over her head. _

Kensi's body jerked as she came back into reality. It took her a moment to process everything. Then like a summer storm it all hit at once without warning. She remembered where she was at. She remembered how she had gotten there. She remembered every single painful moment that led her here to this spot.

She was on her knees, with her hands bound behind her back. She wasn't exactly sure where here was. It was dark, damp, and smelt an awful smell that she couldn't exactly pin point. Her left shoulder hurt like crazy. Her head was pounding from the blow she had taken earlier that day. That is what she expected led her to her happy dreams of Deeks. If only her mind could escape this place. If she could only find a way to let her mind leave her body then just maybe she could make it through this nightmare.

Kensi didn't hear anyone at the moment. No footsteps indicating her capture's approach, no heartbeat, no whispers there was absolutely no sound, but that of dripping water from somewhere close by. Was it a leaking pipe? She wondered. She tried her best to take in her surroundings to try and guise at where she might be. It wasn't a warehouse; there were no windows or doors visible to her. She couldn't see much but faint blurry images. Kensi didn't know if this was due to the lack of light in here or due to the blow she suffered.

She looked down to her feet to try and see what kind of surface the ground beneath her was made of. When she lowered her head she instantly regretted this move as a wave of nausea and dizziness took her over suddenly. She tried her best to stay focused on what she was doing, but she couldn't. She closed her eyes and steadied her breathing trying to keep herself from blacking out again. There was nothing she could do and she knew it. Right now she was hopeless. What in the world would ever safe her? Could she even make it out of here alive she wondered? Her heart almost instantly broke as these thoughts began to cloud her mind. What if she never made it back home to LA? What would her mother do? Would they even ever find her? Deeks, oh God Deeks, and then the salty tears ran down her face and burned her gash just beneath her right eye. What would he do? Would he quit? Would he find another partner? Would he fall in love with someone else? These thoughts were more then she could handle, this was all too much.

Fear was winning with her; she was letting it take over. "No. NO!" She said allowed to the nothingness that surrounded her. She would not let fear win. It had five minutes its time was done and over. Kensi was a fighter that was what she did best. Now it was time for her to fight this. It was time for her to stay strong, and make it out of this alive. She promised Deeks she would come back home to him, and that is exactly what she planned on doing. She was trained for this. She just never thought in a million years this would be something she would endure.

Instantly her mind went to Deeks, when she thought of what he and Sam must have gone through when they had been captured. Deeks that was it, that was how she would make it. She smiled to herself and whispered "Your smile, your laugh, everything it's the only thing that got me through." She repeated his words to her from earlier that year in the bullpen.

Kensi closed her eyes, as the pain was becoming more then she could stand.

"_We have to go to work. They are going to know." Kensi explained. _

"_Do you really care?" Deeks asked as he rolled Kensi over to her back. _

"_I really don't." Kensi said as she ran her fingers through Deeks' messy blonde hair. _

"_Me either." He said as he brushed her hair away from her eyes. For the longest time he just stared down at this beautiful creature beneath him. _

"_Why are you staring at me like that? It's creepy." Kensi asked with a smile. _

"_I just want to remember this moment forever. You're perfect in every way imaginable." Deeks admitted. _

_Kensi smiled shyly at him. "Come on we really have to get going." Kensi said as she wrapped the bed sheet around her body. _

"_Don't you want to stay with me?" Deeks teased. _

_Kensi secured the sheet around her body as she leaned back in to Deeks, "I would stay forever if I could." She replied as she kissed him softly. "Now get your ass ready for work Shaggy." She demanded. _

"_You got it Fern." He laughed. _


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: After all the wonderful reviews and encouragement to continue this story I have decided to keep going with this . I am not exactly sure how long it will be but we will see where things go. If anyone has any ideas they would like to see me add in please feel free to share them I love hearing what everyone thinks. Thank you for all the reviews you guys are amazing. A special thanks to my girl Krystle for always inspiring and encouraging the best in me. **

_He shut and locked the front door as he turned around to find the woman of his dreams kneeling down petting Monty. He smiled at this interaction between his two favorite things in this entire world. Deeks tossed his keys on the coffee table that sat in front of the couch and made his way over to where Kensi was currently at. Wordlessly, he reached his hand down to her. She tore her attention away from her partner's four legged companion and focused it now on her partner. His eyes were dark blue, so much darker then she had ever seen them before. She smiled at him, and then took his outstretched hand he had offered her. _

_Once she had placed her hand in his, he pulled her to her feet. For a few moments no words were exchanged between the duo. Deeks gently rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand, as he moved in closer to her body. Kensi swore if her heart decided to beat any louder the team back at OSP would be able to hear it. Slowly as if he was trying not to startle her, Deeks reached out with one hand and placed it on her hip. When she didn't pull away or object to him he pulled her in as close to him as possible. _

_Kensi rested her hands on his chest as both of his found her hips. Deeks was about to the gentlemanly thing and ask her if she was sure about this, but before he could get the words out of his mouth; her actions gave him the clarification he needed. He looked down to the bold hands of his beautiful partner as she carefully began undoing the buttons of his dress shirt. Deeks breathing became faster as her hands nearly finished their work on his shirt. _

"_Kens, I.."_

"_Just shut up and kiss me." She demanded. _

"_You got it princess." Deeks reached one hand around the back of her neck so he could pull her in for that kiss she had requested. Their lips came crashing together, and as soon as they touched it was like an electrical current ran through both of their bodies. In an instant the entire world seized to exist, in less than 30 seconds nothing else matter but them. After all those years of flirty and bantering, and nearly crossing the line here they were standing on it. Looking over edge and daring to take that plunge that would change the rest of their life forever._

"_God, you have no idea how long I have wanted you." Deeks said as he pealed her shirt off her. _

"_Since you were shot." Kensi admitted. _

"_Since I saved you from the Russians." Deeks confessed as Kensi began hungrily attacking his neck. _

_Deeks pulled her back so he could look into her mismatched eyes. "This isn't just for tonight, this, us our thing." Deeks tried to make a complete sentence but the things Kensi were doing to him was making that near damn impossible to form one single coherent thought. _

"_I know." She said. Deeks slowed her actions down as he led them to his room. His kisses went from passionate to tender. His touches went from bold to caressing. He wanted to show Kensi how much she was his entire world. He wanted her to know it, to feel it, and to believe it. After tonight there would never be anyone else for him but his sugar eating ass kicking partner, and that was just fine by him. All he ever wanted was her, all he ever thought about dreamed about, was her. _

Kensi woke to the sensation of sharp sheering pain through her body. She opened her eyes as the harsh reality of her situation came crashing back to her. For a brief moment she had almost thought she was really with Deeks again, she almost half expected to wake up in his bed, to find it empty beside her as he had gone downstairs and made her pancakes. She heard cracking of something in the distance, and voices. She could tell the voices that spoke were both male, one had an accent that fit with locals and the other did not. She could not hear them clear enough to make out what they were conversing about. She tried to focus on the voice without the accent to see if she could distinguish it. They were talking to fast and too soft for her to be able to get any recognition out of the voice. She only was able to decipher a few words "We need her alive, and him I don't care about out." The American sounding voice explained.

Kensi wrinkled her nose in confusion as she tried to recall who had taken them, and who he was that they spoke of. Damn it, if her head would only stop pounding then maybe she could make her brain work for a half of a second and put the pieces together. She took a deep breath then slowly let it out. Then all of a sudden everything came into play. She knew where she was. She knew how she had gotten there, and she knew who the hell he was.

"Oh my God." Kensi said as everything from the past two days fell into place.

The voices in the background grew closer, footsteps could be heard right outside as they slushed through water. A bright light was shined in her eyes, as the captor made his way to kneel down in front of her. Kensi tried to look him in his eyes, but the flashlight he so rudely held in her eyes was preventing her from looking this bastard in the eyes. Its ok she didn't need to see his face to know who it was. She didn't need to hear his voice to confirm what was true. She knew, damn she knew it was him. After a few seconds of shining the light in her eyes he turned it off, and sat it on the ground next to his feet. He reached out to her and gently traced his fingers over the bruise that was starting to form on her eye. Kensi pulled back away from his touch.

He laughed at her reaction. "You might want to consider not being such a bitch considering I am the only one who is keeping you alive. If it was up to him you would be dead already." He explained to her.

"I don't want any favors from you. Not now or ever." She shot back to him.

He laughed; he expected this reaction from her. He would expect nothing less from Kensi Blye. He reached down and grabbed the flashlight from the ground of the tunnel.

"One day real soon you will be singing a new song my dear." He explained to her. He leaned over Kensi and reached behind her back undoing her hands from behind her. Kensi didn't try to fight him, she didn't have the strength or energy right now to try and escape this hell she was in. He brought her hands in front of her and rebound them this way instead. He took a bottle of water and shoved into her grip.

He leaned down real close to her and then whispered in her ear, "Don't believe everything you see. Sometimes things aren't always black and white." He pulled back from her.

Kensi looked down to the water she was currently holding in her hands. She knew if she could see her own reflection right now she was most definitely wearing one of those dumb founded looks that scream what in the hell just happened. For the first time in a long time Kensi was left completely and utterly speechless.

She opened her mouth to say something, but there were no words that were willing to come out. She closed her mouth and closed her eyes. "What is going on around here?" She thought to herself.

"_It's not my fault you never know what is going on." Kensi said flippantly as she bolted up the stairs ahead of her partner. _

"_Oh I know more than you think sugar bear." Deeks said with a grin as she climbed the front steps that led them into the apartment. _

"_Come on. Don't pout, it's not my fault that I am highly trained NCIS agent that can detect anything anywhere and your well you're you." She said. _

"_Is that right darling?" He asked as they came to a stop in front of the door. _

"_You know it is." Kensi said._

"_We shall see miss special forces training." Deeks said with a grin mirroring her own as he opened the front door and switched on the light. _

"_SURPRISE!" All the members of the team called out to Kensi. _

"_Special training uh? Happy birthday sweetheart." Deeks said as he pressed a kiss to her cheek. _

**A/N: What do you think? Please review. **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you guys so much for your reviews and following this story. This chapter will be about the boys and how they find out Kensi has been taken. Hope you enjoy! As always let me know what you guys think. **

Sam and Callen were sitting in the bull pen discussing Callen's now so called love life when Deeks entered that particular morning.

"Come on G, I think it's adorable." Sam said.

"Sam, let it go and stop picking on me." Callen replied.

"I am not picking on you. I would do the same thing for Michelle." Sam explained.

"What would you do for Michelle?" Deeks asked as he sat his bag down on his desk. Sam and Callen exchange a look and Callen rolled his eyes at his partner. "I think we need a third opinion."

"I think I am going to need a new partner." Callen said glaring at Sam.

"Callen's girl wasn't feeling good this morning so, on the way to work G made me stop so we would get her some flowers, and have them sent to her." Sam explained.

"Really?" Deeks said suddenly intrigued.

Sam laughed, "He thinks I am picking on him, because I said that was romantic. I told him that I would do the same thing for Michelle. Now wouldn't you do the same thing for Kensi?" Sam questioned.

Deeks looked at Sam and shook his head, "No, Kensi hates flowers and she can't keep anything a live for more than five minutes. I would stop by the doughnut shop get her a box of her favorite doughnuts and rent her a scary movie so she could complain the entire way through it about how they should have been running out the door and not up the stairs." Deeks explained.

"That is what you would do?" Sam asked, looking to Callen and then back to Deeks.

"The man has a point I have seen Kensi kill a cactus before." Callen added.

"Six of them to be exact." Deeks added.

"Six?" Sam asked.

"Only Kensi could manage that." Callen added.

The three boys erupted in laughter and their cheerfulness could be heard throughout the office. Just about the time their laughing had settled down they turned when they heard Eric come charging down the stairs. He didn't blow any of the screeching whistles he usually did; that was the first indication to them that something was not right.

"Upstairs now!" Eric demanded to the boys.

All three of them shared a look that translated into what in the hell is going on. After about fifteen seconds of hesitation the boys proceeded upstairs as Eric had ordered them to.

When they made it upstairs, they could sense the tension in the air. Nell was standing in the corner and Deeks could swear it looked as if she was ready to murder someone. Hetty was standing about three feet away from Nell, next to the big screen. Her look almost reflected that perfectly of the one Nell was sporting. The three boys looked to monitor when they saw Granger's face appear. Sam and Callen stood there silently as they waited for something to be explained to them. Deeks felt his heart rate increase, his hands began to tremble and his gut told him something had happened, something was wrong with Kensi he just knew it.

"Tell them." Hetty ordered Granger.

"I think.."

"I don't give a damn what you think Owen you made this mess, you can tell them. I refuse." Hetty replied.

"Two days ago we had a lead on this mission. We were on our way to do some recon on the target we were after when something unexpected happened. I sent Blye out into the desert three days prior to the event to take the target out. She missed."

"Kensi doesn't miss." Sam said.

"The target wasn't taken down. In fact things got worse." A picture of a dark haired man showed up on the screen.

Callen and Sam shared a look. Deeks sighed and shook his head. Callen turned his attention to Deeks, "You know him?" Callen asked.

"It's Jack." Deeks replied.

"Jack, as in the man I would like to punch in the face Jack for breaking Kensi's heart?" Sam questioned.

"That be the one." Deeks said as his anger was reaching its boiling point.

"As the detective said, this is Jack. He came into the mission. At first we thought he was the target, and then we were led to believe he was undercover working inside the Taliban to get close to the White Ghost. We brought him back to our camp he told us what he knew, what he was doing, and he said he could lead us to the White Ghost we had been looking for. Blye believed we could trust him, so I trusted her call. Two days ago we sent out a team to do recon on the area Jack spoke of to see if we could get a lock on the target. Blye, Jack, and Sabatino went into …."

"Wait stop. Let me get this straight. You sent my girlfriend into the desert with the White Ghost and pyscho?" Deeks asked.

"Detective she is more than capable of taking care of herself."

Deeks balled his hands into fist as he tried to keep the anger he was feeling at bay. Nothing was working at the moment; nothing was going to stop him this time. He had been quite long enough, he was tired of keeping things bottled up inside, today he would not remain silent. Today he would be heard.

"Her judgment was clouded. How could you not see this? How do you not know? You take her away on a classified mission, you don't tell her why or how or anything you just take her away from us. Then you throw her out into the desert with a nut job and a man she hasn't known in ten years, and you're like here take care of yourself. Have you lost your fucking mind?" Deeks shouted.

Everyone in OSP turned their attention to Deeks, none of them had ever heard him use such words before. None of them have ever really seen him get mad before today. This was a new side of them that they were definitely not used to.

"Detective, I think you need to stop." Granger said.

"Or what? You will send me back to LAPD or maybe if I am really lucky you will ship to some foreign country like you did her. Is that your great plan? Cause you can go to hell." Deeks said.

"I will" Granger said.

"You won't to a damn thing Owen." Hetty said. "I made the mistake of letting you take one of mine it won't happen again." Hetty turned her attention to the boys.

"Gentlemen, pack your things you're going to bring Agent Blye home, since no one over there is capable of doing anything."

Deeks stormed out of OSP before the rest of them. He rushed out the front door of the mission, he had not intentions of going anywhere, and he had no idea what he was doing. He just knew how he felt. He had been through so many things in life. So many obstacles he has had to overcome, but this was by far the hardest thing he has ever had to face. When he heard those words spoke something inside of him just snapped. Something that had been building for a long time. Now he was done holding back. Now he would do anything in this world to bring his girl back home, no matter what it took.

Once Deeks had collected his emotions he re-entered the mission.

"Deeks." Callen said.

"I am not sorry about earlier, so if this is you wanting to me to apologize to Granger you can hang it up. I am telling you now; if anything happens to her I will kill him." Deeks explained.

"I will dig the hole for you. You know how I feel about Kensi. You know she is like my little sister, and around here no one mess with our family." Callen said.

"We stick together." Sam said walking up to Callen and Deeks.

The three boys grabbed their bags and headed towards the door of the mission.

"Deeks." Nell shouted from the top of the stairs.

Deeks turned and walked back a few steps towards the stair case. "You might need this." Nell said tossing a badge that said NCIS on it to him. "Hetty said, 'you can sign the papers when you get Kensi back." Nell explained.

"Thanks." Deeks said with a grin.

"Bring her home Shaggy." Nell said with a smile.

"I won't come back without her Velma." He replied.

Deeks rejoined Sam and Callen at the door way of the mission.

"We ready?" Callen asked.

"Yep." Deeks replied.

"Let's do this thing." Sam said as three of them left the building.


	4. Chapter 4

After the entire plane ride across the country Deeks thought he would have his mind under control. He thought when he got the chance to be headed over there to bring his girl back it would help calm his nerves. Apparently he was wrong. The closer to their destination they got the worse he got. It was a constant internal battle raging inside of him right now the only questions was would anger or fear win.

When the wheels of the plane finally touched down, Deeks wanted to jump up and scream Thank God. They had landed in a private air strip about two hours from the camp that Kensi had been stationed at before her disappearance. Granger was waiting for the team on the ground, when the plane touchdown. The three agents made their way over to him.

"What do we know?" Callen asked.

"Little of nothing right now, we have barley anything to go on. The only thing I do know is Blye went out in the desert willing."

"You said you sent her." Deeks replied.

"I sent Sabatino with Jack. She wanted to go with them on the recon. She argued and argued with me about it. I told her, her head wasn't in the game and she should stay behind at base camp with Booker. Jack and Sabatino left. I left about twenty minutes after they did. I was gone for about two hours, and when I came back she was gone. Neither Booker nor the rest of the team saw her leave." Granger explained.

"Why would she leave like that?" Callen asked.

"I don't know. But if I were a betting man I would wager she went into that desert for Jack." Granger said.

Deeks hesitated for about ten seconds before he reared back and punched Granger in the jaw. He turned to Callen and said. "I really hate him." Deeks walked off from the others. Callen smirked, and Sam just out right laughed.

"I am kind of jealous. I have been wanting to that since that since he accused Kensi of murder." Sam replied.

"Hey, the mission isn't over yet. You still might get your chance." Callen said.

Granger glared at Callen and Sam as he rubbed his sore jaw. "What is his problem?"

"You took his girl away four months ago without even letting them say goodbye." Sam said.

"You said she went into the desert after Jack." Callen added.

"All things considered, you're lucky he didn't just pull out his gun and shoot you." Sam clarified.

When they approached the vehicle, Deeks was already sitting in the back with his arms crossed over his chest. Callen looked to Sam and nodded his head as Sam climbed in the back next to Deeks, leaving Callen to ride in the front with Granger. The entire ride was made in almost complete silence expect for some brief conversation between Callen and Sam.

Deeks wasn't listening to them, he wasn't listening to anything expect for the sound of his breaking heart. All of this time he had thought Kensi had been taken, and now he finds out that she willing went out there. What was she thinking? She couldn't have possibly done all this just for Jack. No, no way in hell. Deeks knew Kensi better than anyone, there were days he believed he even knew her better then she knew herself. Something wasn't right. Something was not adding up. If Kensi did go out there willing Deeks knew she had a damn good reason. "Trying to be wonder woman again." He mumbled to himself.

"What?" Sam asked turning his attention back to Deeks.

"Um, nothing, I was just wondering how long until we got there."

"We are here." Granger said as they pulled up to the camp.

Deeks jumped out of the truck as if the whole thing had gone up in flames. No sooner than Deeks had gotten around the opposite side of the vehicle where Callen and Sam were a scrawny looking man came running out of the camp and towards Granger.

"Sir, we have a situation." The scrawny man said to Granger.

"What kind of situation?" Granger asked almost dreading the answer he was about to receive.

"When Steve and Randall went out this morning Sir, they found one of them."

"One of who?" Granger asked.

"The Talban member's sir. We brought him back alive; we thought he might give us Intel on the missing agents." The man explained.

"Sounds like you boys have an integration to conduct." Granger said turning to the members of the LA team.

"Gladly. Lead the way." Callen said.

"This way." The man said motioning for them to follow him.

The man led them into a small room in the back of the building that Granger had his forces set up in. He opened the door to the room, revealing a man sitting on the floor with his knees to his chest.

"He hasn't said anything yet." The man said as he pulled the door back shut until the agents were ready to have their go at him.

"That is because he hasn't met us." Sam replied.

"Good luck, on Granger's orders this prisoner is all yours." The man said as he turned and walked away from the three of them.

"So how do you want us to do this?" Sam questioned.

Callen thought for a moment and before he had the chance to answer Sam, Deeks spoke up. "Not us. Me." He said.

Sam and Callen turned their attention to the newest member of their team. There was something in his eyes they had never seen before, something primal, something that was buried just beneath the surface that was about to make its presence known. Callen didn't know whether to let Deeks take the lead on this one, or pull him back. He wondered if he was too close to this because of Kensi.

"Let him have this one G." Sam said.

Callen regarded his partner's suggestion not believing what he had just heard. "Trust me." Sam said. Callen shrugged his shoulders.

"Alright. He is all yours." Callen agreed.

Deeks nodded his head as he entered the room where the prisoner was currently being held. As soon as the door was shut, Callen turned his focus to Sam.

"What the hell was that all about?" Callen questioned.

"It's something he needs to do. Trust me G. If anyone will get that man to talk it will be Deeks."

"How are you so sure about that?"

"Love is a powerful emotion. It drives us, it consumes, and it makes us do whatever has to be done. Things that others are not willing to do." Sam explained.

"What do you think he will do?" Callen asked.

"Whatever he has to, to find her." Sam admitted.

**A/N: Thank you everyone for all the kind reviews on this story. You guys are inspiring me to keep going. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. In the coming chapter you will see just how far Deeks will go to find Kensi.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thank you again for all these reviews I love reading them you guys brighten my day. This chapter gets a little dark for Deeks, you will see just how far he is willing to go to get Kensi back. Hope you enjoy.**

Deeks entered the room and made sure the door was securely locked behind him. He turned his attention to the prisoner that was sitting on the floor. His hands were tied in front of him; he had bruises across his face where you could tell he had clearly been in a fight recently. Deeks imagined this was how the others got him back here. The prisoner had a smug look in his face; he showed no signs of fear. People like this man would soon rather piss you off before they give out any information. So Deeks waited. He walked across the room, leaned against the wall furthest away from him and crossed his arms over his chest. He didn't say anything, he just waited. He knew how people like this man worked all too well.

The smug looking man laughed, "Here I thought they would send the big man in to do this job. Instead I get you." The prisoner said.

"Let's just say you know where something is I want." Deeks replied.

"I will never tell you about him. I will never tell you who he is."

"I don't give a damn about your White Ghost, he is not what I want."

"Then what do you care about? Because my loyalty will remain with him. I will never betray him, or give you anything you want. My love for him is something you would not understand." The man said.

Deeks licked his lips and pushed himself of the wall. He started pacing the room then stopped on his third time across. "Let me tell you a story about a love you wouldn't understand. See once upon a time there was this girl. She was something special, something unlike anything I have ever seen before. She is a smart ass, she as stubborn as a brick wall, and she is gorgeous. God is she gorgeous." Deeks said. He put his hands in his pockets as he continued, "She is my partner, she is best friend, she is everything in this world I care about." Deeks paused and reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He pulled out a photo of Kensi, one from where they were undercover as Melissa and Justin and threw it on the ground in front of the man. "And she will be the last thing you ever see, if you don't tell me exactly where the hell she is at." Deeks explained.

The prisoner snickered as he looked to the photo of Kensi. His face lit up with a smile, "He will never let you have her back once he has her. He will never let anyone go once they know who he is. Your pretty girl is as good as dead. I hope you have some fond memories of her to hold onto while you put her body in the ground." The man explained.

Deeks was quickly losing his patience with this man. Every second he wasted in here with this sorry excuse for a human like this sack of shit, was another second Kensi was out there all alone going through God only knows what. Deeks let out a shaky breath that he had been holding as he made a decision. A decision he hoped that he would never have to make, a road he wished he never had to travel. But the world changes, and sometimes we have to do the unthinkable to save the ones we love. He would do anything in this world for her, he has told her that time and time again. He would give her the moon if she wanted it, he would lie for, and he would kill for her. There is nothing in this entire world that Marty Deeks would not do for Kensi Blye. The loving, easing going, comical Deeks was gone. Now, the world was about to get a taste of something they have never seen before. Deeks grinned an evil grin at the man. "I have a ton of memories of her, and your about to find out all about her." Deeks replied.

For about three minutes the two of them just stared at each other. Deeks broke the silence first when he retrieved a knife from his jacket pocket. He sat the knife on the table, and then took of his leather jacket. "Don't want to get your filthy blood all over this jacket. It's Kensi's favorite." Deeks replied.

The prisoner on the floor showed no sign of fear, in fact he seemed delighted that Deeks wanted to kill him. Most people like this man would rather die than betray their cause.

"So where were we? Oh right memories." Deeks said as he ran his fingers of the blade of his knife. "The first assignment we ever had together she got into a situation. She was tied up on her knees in a house of another man kind of like yourself. Only this one dressed and smelled way better then you. Anyways he had a knife to her throat kind of like this." Deeks said as he pushed the blade of the knife into the man's neck. He didn't cut him, he just pressed it against the flesh on the underside of his neck enough to break the skin and make him bleed. He pulled the knife back then continued, "But we killed him and saved her, just like we are going to do now."

"Keep telling yourself that. Keep letting yourself believe that you're the hero and not the killer." The man said.

"Hero? No not even close, far from it in all honesty. She is the hero, she is like wonder woman. She has this attitude that nobody but me understands, it's part of her. It's what makes her who she is. Hell if I had been through the things she had been through I would have an attitude too. She fights for what she believes in, she is the strongest damn person I know. She never falls apart; I have seen her take down that big guy out there before. You should have seen her." Deeks said to the man. He turned his attention back to the man as he repeatedly punched him. "If I don't see her again, you won't ever see again." Deeks replied.

"What the hell is he doing in there it's been almost two hours now?" Callen asked.

"He is breaking him." Sam said.

"Sam we can't let him do this. We can't let him lose himself."

"What do you think is going to happen G if we don't get Kensi back? You know if anything has happened to her it's something he is not going to come back from. Hell I am not sure if any of us would come back after that."

"Sam there has to be a better way." Callen said.

"I am sure there is a better way. I don't doubt it at all but right now we don't have time to find a better way. Right now desperate times call for desperate measures. We need to find her G, and soon. You know what these people are like, you know how they operate, and you know what they do. Do you want Kensi going through that if she hasn't already? Do you want to see her fall apart? I don't, the very idea of seeing her like that scares me G, and I don't scare easy." Sam explained.

G sighed, he knew Sam was right, "Seeing you and Deeks go through it was bad enough. I don't think I can do it again."

"I know I can't. I made the mistake of questioning his intentions before, of doubting him; I won't make that mistake again. He didn't give up Michelle. He helped me keep the one thing I love more than anything alive. I think it's time I repay the favor and keep his girl alive before are whole damn team comes apart at the seams." Sam explained logically.

Just as Callen was about to open his mouth to say something, the door to the room Deeks was in slung open. Deeks shirt was stained in blood, his knuckles were busted and bleeding, but his face was smiling. "I know where she is." Deeks said.


	6. Chapter 6

"What do we have?" Callen asked as he and Sam made their way over to the table where Deeks was sitting at.

"According to my friend in there, they are not far from here. When we leave camp we head west for about six miles until we reach a cave. From the outside it looks like one small cave, but according to him inside the caves are various tunnels that lead to separate rooms inside the cave itself. This is where he takes the prisoners; this is where we can find them." Deeks explained.

"Ok, now we just need a plan." Callen said.

"We ride out into the desert on horseback so they don't hear the vehicles approaching. Once we find the cave we split up. Sam takes the right side of the premotor Callen you take left. I go in the front. We will keep it simple. Granger can have some extra people waiting in case we need back up but they hang back by at least ten minutes, so we are less likely to get spotted with three of us then ten. Any questions? " Deeks said.

"Just one, what are you going to do when you find them?" Callen asked.

"Kill the bad guys and save the girl." Deeks said as he stood up and walked off from the table.

"I like this new Deeks." Sam said.

"I must admit it is pretty impressive." Callen agreed.

"I am going to go check on him." Sam said as he stood and followed in the direction Deeks had just previously gone moments before.

Deeks stood at the sink and let the scalding hot water wash over his hands. He scrubbed as best he could to try and rinse the blood from his hands. Sam stopped and leaned against the door frame.

"If you're here to ask me if I am ok the answer is I will be as soon as she is home." Deeks said as he looked up to Sam.

"I was going to ask if you wanted to talk. I know how hard it is to keep things locked inside. One day it's one thing, the next day it's something else, until one day four months down the line all the little things make you break because they turned into one big thing." Sam explained.

"That is the worst conversation starter I have ever heard." Deeks said with a half-smile.

"Ok let's try this how do you feel?"

"Mad." Deeks answered.

"At who?" Sam questioned.

"At Hetty for taking her away, Nell and Eric for not telling me what she had gotten herself into, Granger for letting her go missing, Kensi for walking off into the desert because she thinks she is a one woman army, you for making me have this conversation, and I am sure if you give me about two minutes I can think of a reason I am mad at Callen too." Deeks explained as he dried his hands off.

"It's ok to be mad at her." Sam said.

"You know what I am. I am furious with her. She gets on to me for not taking the shot when a crazy man had a gun pointed to her head, and then she pulls this. I know she had her reasons, and I don't doubt that for a second. But did she ever think about it? Did she ever wonder about what would happen if she got herself hurt or killed? Did she even realize how much…" Deeks stopped himself shaking his head no.

"How much you love her?" Sam asked.

"Yes. I would do anything for her, anything. I just wonder if she knows. If she is out there where ever she is thinking about me."

"I know she is man. The girl is crazy about you. She has never trusted anyone the way she does you. You know things about her that G doesn't know and he has known Kensi longer than any of us. It's hard for Kensi to tell people how she feels. Most people in her life have always given up on her, or left her, but not you. You have always stayed, you have never stopped fighting for her, and when the day is done she knows this. Just because she doesn't say it, doesn't mean she doesn't feel it. Maybe she is just afraid of saying it because she doesn't want to lose the best thing she has ever had."

Deeks threw the paper towel in the garbage, "Why are you helping me so much?" Deeks asked.

"Because I know what it's like. After what happened with Michelle, I was so angry. I was mad at you for risking your life for me, I was mad at Michelle for working with him. I was mad at the world. But the one person I was maddest at the most was me. Me for getting caught, me for us getting tortured, me for not being able to protect Michelle. Right now if I had a guess I would say the person you're the maddest at isn't Hetty, Granger or Kensi, but you. Am I right?" Sam questioned.

"Your right. I should have kept her with me; I shouldn't have let her go. They should have sent me away not her. None of this is her fault. It's all mine."

"Things go wrong Deeks, it's just life and believe it or not there is not always some to blame. It's just the way of the world. Stop being angry with yourself and put the anger where it belongs, on the damn White Ghost whoever the hell he is, and lets reunite our family. What do you say?"

"I say I like this new side of Sam Hanna." Deeks said with a smile.

"Come on man, we have work to do."

Deeks and Sam re-entered the room where Callen and Granger were now currently looking at maps of the area. Callen explained the plan Deeks had come up with earlier to Granger.

"Ok me and the others will wait here." Granger said pointing to a place on the map. "Good plan Callen."

"It wasn't my idea it was his." Callen said signaling to Deeks.

"Well done detective." Granger said.

"Actually it's agent now." Sam corrected Granger.

"Horses are ready to go." Booker announced as he walked back into the building.

"Alright these three agents" Granger said pointing to Sam, Callen and Deeks, "Will take the lead everyone else falls back with me. No one makes a move unless I order it an agents life is on the line let's not screw this one up." Granger said explaining the situation to the back up.

All of them nodded their agreement to Granger's orders. "Move out." He said as they all made their way to the exit of the building.

**A/N: Thank you for everyone who keeps reviewing this story. I am so pleased with the way it has turned out it was only originally supposed to be a one shot but because of all your kind words and encouragement it has quickly turned into something else. Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Next chapter goes back to Kensi side of the story.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews. Let me know how your all are feeling about this story. Hope you enjoy! **

Kensi was so tired but she refused to sleep. Her body was giving out on her, and she was pretty sure at any given second she was going to freeze to death down here.

"Are you awake?" He asked.

"Like anyone could sleep in a place like this?"

"Come on. Let's take a walk." The man said as he helped Kensi to her feet.

Kensi stood up with the help of him pulling her to her feet. Her hands were still tied in front of her. "I am not going drag you out of here like some kind of animal, so don't fight me and just walk." He said.

"Walk? Like you all didn't just beat the hell out of me for days straight and you want me to just walk." Kensi said.

He held onto Kensi's arms as he led her in the direction he wanted them to go. His grip was not forceful, like the others had been to her. They went back in the direction Kensi had recalled them brining her in to start with. They entered a room, inside the tunnel, that seemed to be more cave like then tunnel. There was fire in this room. "Sit." He said to Kensi pointing to the fire. Kensi was not usually one for doing what she was told to do, but today she was freezing and that fire was too tempting to say no to. He sat his gun down on the ground as he grabbed a blanket from a bag nearby. He walked over to Kensi and wrapped this blanket around her shoulders, "Here before you freeze to death." Jack said as he sat back down across from her.

"What the hell were you thinking following us? You could have just stayed behind like you were told to. Would it be so hard for you to listen to somebody for once in your life?" Jack said.

"What was I thinking? I was thinking you show up after being MIA for ten years and you just so happen to show up right in the middle of a classified mission I was pulled in to without warning, without explanation. I was thinking you are the mission." She explained.

"Always so sure of yourself aren't you."

"If I am wrong feel free to tell me. But seeing what I have been through, seeing what your people did to me, yeah I am sure. I am damn sure. So tell me Jack, tell me I am wrong."

Jack sighed, "Would it matter what I told you right now."

"Not really." Kensi admitted.

"Ok Kensi you get to ask me one thing and one thing only that is all you get so make it good, your time is running out."

"Are you the white ghost?" She asked.

" All the questions in the entire world and that is the one you chose. Here I was thinking you would ask me why I left you."

"Why would I ask a question I don't need an answer too?"

"You don't want to know. You haven't thought about it for years and years. "Jack asked.

"I use to wonder. I use to think it was me. I blamed myself for not being better, for not trying harder to help you. But then I realized something."

"What is that?"

"I am not perfect I am a flawed human being. I knew that no matter what I did it would never be right; it would never be good enough for you. You never saw me; all you saw was what you wanted me to be. What you thought you could turn me into. I am not a story, you don't get to write me in any character you see fit. Life doesn't work like that Jack." Kensi explained.

"Doesn't love mean doing anything for the one you love?" He asked trying to mess with her head.

"Doing anything yes, being anything no. We can't change who we are, we shouldn't have to. If someone loves you they accept you all of you no matter how flawed and imperfect you are. That is love." Kensi explained.

Jack looked at Kensi questionably for a moment before he spoke again. "He must be one hell of a man to make you talk like that."

"What?" Kensi asked now confused by the turn this conversation had taken.

"The man who accepts you, the one who loves you completely. He must have done a hell of a number on you. I have never heard you be so rational before."

"People change. I am not the same girl you knew all those years ago." Kensi said.

"And I am not the same broken man who walked away from you either. When I left you I was weak, I was powerless, and now I have made something for me. I have become something."

"You have become what a pyscho who ambushes people and holds them hostage to have ten year old conversations with them by the fire?" Kensi questioned.

"Something like that."

"Are you ever going to tell me if you're him? If you're the White Ghost?"

"Don't ask me questions I have already given you the answers to Kensi." Jack explained.

"So what are you going to do now? Kill me?" Kensi asked.

"If I wanted to kill you, you would not be sitting here right now. You would be dead like the other one."

"You killed Sabatino?"

"I didn't kill him personally but he is no longer with us. The questions is can you kill me? Can you look at me and pull the trigger without seeing the same man you were going to devote your life to? Can you watch me die without hating yourself? Do you have what it takes to be a killer? Because when you hesitate for three seconds your dead, and if you kill me and you feel guilty about what you did then even when I am dead I still won. It's a never ending cycle Kensi. Its power." Jack explained.

"It's insane. You're insane."

"Maybe so, but what does that say about you? Was I always insane or did you drive me to this? Think about that one now why don't you."

"You don't make people Jack, they make their selves. The Jack I knew is long gone. I think my question to you is can you kill me? All this time you have been questioning me and wondering what I can do or will do. You claim to have so much power and yet here we sit by a fire like we are old friends. If you're him why am I here? You can't kill me can you Jack? All this time, all this power and you can't kill one girl? You're pathetic then again you always were. " Kensi said turning his mind games around on him.

"Maybe I don't want you dead?"

"Maybe if I have to sit here and listen to you whine anymore I will die of boredom." Kensi shot back.

"You think you're so clever don't you. You think anyone cares if you live or die. Do you think anyone will even miss you when you're gone?"

"I know they will. If I die today I know that somebody out there loves me witch is more than I can say for you."

"He will never find you here. No one will." Jack said.

"I wouldn't bet on that." Deeks said as he walked into the room with his gun pointing to Jack.

"Hi sugar bear." Deeks said winking to Kensi.

"Took you long enough Shaggy." Kensi replied.

"Well you know me I had to stop and visit all the local attractions." Deeks reached into his back pocket and tossed Kensi's knife to her. "Bondage looks good on you, but cut yourself free so we can get out of here please."

"Are you really going to shot me?" Jack asked to Deeks. Deeks turned his attention from Kensi back to Jack.

Deeks threw his gun to the ground and rushed towards Jack. Before Jack realized what was happening he grabbed him by the throat and pushed him backwards till he hit the ground. Kensi anxiously cut at the ropes that bound her until she was finally free.

"No I won't shot you because I want to kill you myself." Deeks said as he strangled Jack.

Kensi jumped up and rushed towards the two of them. "Stop it Deeks don't do it." Kensi pleaded with him as she laid her hand on his arm. Deeks turned his attention to Kensi. This was all the distraction Jack needed to flip Deeks to the ground.

"People do stupid things for love. I learned that year ago." Jack said as he pointed the gun he grabbed off the ground to Deeks chest.

"They do whatever it takes." Without hesitation, without regret she plunged the knife into Jack. Deeks took this chance and kicked him off of him. Kensi pulled the knife back and dropped to ground instantly when his blood soaked her hands.

She turned to Deeks, "I..He.."

Deeks walked over to Kensi and put his arm around her, "If you didn't I would have. Mission complete." Deeks said.

Kensi nodded her head in agreement as she leaned into Deeks for support.

"So did you do anything interesting while I was gone?" Kensi questioned.

"I punched Granger."

"What? No you didn't."

"Yep sure did, Sam thought it was hilarious." Deeks explained.

"I hate you." Kensi said laughing.

"Jealous?"

"Absolutely." Kensi admitted.

They made it outside and Kensi squinted as the light of the sun nearly blinded her after not seeing it for days. Sam and Callen came riding up to Deeks and Kensi on the horses before they got even three feet away from the cave.

"Kensi." Callen shouted as he jumped down from the horse and rushed towards the female agent. Callen lifted her chin and turned her head to the side looking at the horrible bruises that covered her beautiful face. "I swear to God I am going to kill him." Callen said.

"No need." Deeks said.

"You took him out?" Callen asked.

"I did." Kensi responded.

"It's over." Sam said.

"It's over." Kensi echoed.

"Then lets get the hell out of here." Sam suggested.

"Sounds great." Kensi agreed, "If I never see the desert again it will be too soon."

Deeks grabbed the reins of the horse he had and climbed on it. "I beat up the bad guy, and saved the damsel in distress, even though she didn't need saving. How about we ride off into the sunset Princess?" Deeks asked offering his hand down to Kensi.

Kensi smiled, "As long as you promise not to say we lived happily ever after."

Kensi took his hand as he pulled her onto the back of his horse. "I wouldn't dream of it, our story is just getting to the good part." Deeks explained.

**A/N: Next chapter they will return home and you will start seeing what affect this whole mission had on Kensi. **


	8. Chapter 8

"Kens, why don't you try and get some sleep. I will wake you when we get home." Deeks said to his partner.

"I cant." She whispered so only Deeks could hear her.

"Are you hurting?" Deeks asked her in concern.

"I have had worse." She replies with a sad smile.

"It's ok to close your eyes Kens. You're safe now, I promise."

Kensi sighed, "I wish it was that simple." She answered sadly.

"It gets easier trust me." Deeks reached over to brush her cheek when she jumped a little in reaction. Deeks pulled his hand back instantly like it had been burned. "Sorry." Deeks said sadly as he placed his hand back down on the arm rest.

Kensi wanted so badly not to be afraid, she wanted more than anything to take comfort in him, but she just couldn't. She was still on edge about what happened in the cave. She still had so many raw emotions lying just under the surface she had to deal with first before she could be ok. Would she be ok? Yes, eventually she knew without a doubt she would be just fine, but right now she needed time. Kensi hesitantly reached her hand out towards Deeks, and then pulled back before she reached his hand. What if he didn't want her now? What if he was angry with her for pulling back from his touch? She decided it best to leave him alone. Deeks turned his hand over palm up on the arm rest to her. "Is this what you wanted?" He asked.

Kensi laid her hand in the palm of his hand. "Yes." She said.

He gently closed his hand around hers. "Deeks." Kensi said looking around to make sure no one else was listening to them.

"Yeah?" He asked turning his attention to Kensi.

"I'm scared." She admitted.

"I know. We will get through this. You are not alone don't ever forget that."

Six hours and twenty eight minutes it had been now since the wheels of the plane had touched down in Los Angeles. Two hours and twelve minuets since she had made it back home. Ten minutes since she realized she was sitting here counting meaningless amounts of time instead of sleeping like she should have been. 1:13 am the clock above the TV declared it to be. Sleep, something she wanted more than anything right now. Her body psychically ached, and her mind was mentally exhausted and yet she still could not make her mind stop thinking and processing useless stuff so she could close her eyes. Just one hour, one hour of sleep please, she pleaded with herself. What was bothering her most was not the pain she was in, no that she could handle. It was not the consequences of killing someone she has done that before. Her reason for not sleeping was him.

All she could think about was Deeks. All she cared about was him. Was he angry at her for not letting him kill Jack? Did he understand why she did it? These days she found herself wondering more about him then she did herself. Caring about someone like this, needing them to be around all the time was something she was not use too. Kensi felt like she was losing all control over herself. Things that use to be make since to her where strange now. Things that were strange seemed to be perfectly clear. "What is wrong with me?" She asked allowed to the shadows in her dark lonely house.

She yawned as her own body was quickly giving up the fight to stay awake. How long had it been since she slept? Hell it had been too long for her to even remember. She stood up from her kitchen table and turned the light on the coffee table on. She always left this light on in the living room so that she didn't trip on her 'massive amounts of shit' as Deeks always called her mess. It was true though; you could easily navigate your way through Deeks house in the middle of the night without tripping or bumping into anything, expect maybe Monty. Well her house, her house was a different story. Trying to walk through her house in the middle of the night was as high risk as their job.

Kensi smiled to herself as she thought about Deeks. She stretched as she started to make her way down the hall way, but a knock on the door stopped her dead in her tracks. Her heart started racing out of control, she started feeling like she couldn't breathe. She took two calming breaths, as she knew who was at her door. I mean really who else would show up here at 1 am other than him.

She turned and made her way quickly to the door. "Were you asleep?" Deeks asked when he realized how long it had taken her to get to the door.

"I.. I um was laying down but not sleeping." She said trying to cover her little episode she had right before she opened the door to him.

"Can I come in?" Deeks asked.

"Yeah of course." Kensi said as she moved her body from the doorway when she realized she had been blocking it still.

"I was going to bring dinner but since it was so late or well earlier I guess you would say I opted for your favorite doughnuts instead." Deeks said holding out a box of her favorite.

"You have no idea how much I have missed these." Kensi said as she snatched the box away from Deeks happily. She made her way to the kitchen with Deeks right behind her. Kensi sat the box of her doughnuts on the counter and she crammed the remaining bite of the one in her mouth and grabbed another out of the box.

"You weren't kidding you missed them. I mean did they even feed you over there."

Kensi stopped eating and went stock-still at Deeks last words to her. "Kens, I didn't mean too, I didn't think."

"It's fine. I am fine just a momentary freeze I will get over it. People get taken captive all the time." Kensi said.

"Kensi, its ok. You don't have to be ok with this. It will take. If you want to talk I am here for you Kens. Whatever you need just tell me."

"I will talk soon, I am just not ready yet Deeks. Right now I just cant." Kensi replied.

"It's ok just take it one day at a time and know when you are ready I will be here. I am not going anywhere." Deeks explained to her.

Kensi yawned again. "You're tired." Deeks said. "Have you been to sleep yet?"

"No. I was going …" Deeks stopped her from finishing her sentence by pressing his finger over her lips. "Shh. Don't tell me." Deeks said.

Slowly he reached down and took Kensi by the wrist. Kensi didn't say a word, she didn't pullback from his gesture. Deeks turned them and headed down the hallway towards her bedroom. Once they were inside her room Deeks let go of her hand. He pulled the blankets off her bed back, and then motioned her over to him.

"Get in." Deeks said. Kensi crawled into her bed. The cold sheets felt wonderful against her battered skin. This was the first time since her return home she had actually climbed into her bed. Once she was in, Deeks climbed in beside her. They fell into to their routine effortlessly. One night together was all it took, and they acted as if they had been sleeping beside each other for a lifetime. He laid on his back with an arm out for her. She laid her head on his chest with one arm draped over his abdomen. When her head was resting near his heart, he slowly started threading his fingers through her hair. A weakness Kensi never knew she had, Deeks running his fingers through her hair. She yawned for the third time that night, as she felt the tension slowly trying to leave her abused, tired, aching body.

"Sleep Princess, tomorrow is a new day." Deeks said. Kensi opened her mouth to say something but then shut it before any words escaped. Deeks smiled to himself when he felt the movement of her jaw against his chest, "I won't go anywhere I will still be here when you wake up." Deeks explained.

"Good night Deeks." Kensi said. Deeks couldn't see her gorgeous smile but he could feel the sides of her mouth moving in indication she was smiling against him.

"Good night Kensalina."

"Hey Deeks."

"Yes sugar bear?"

"I missed you." She said barley above a whisper.

Deeks leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. "I missed you more." He said with a grin.

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who has been reading and reviewing this story. Hope you all liked this chapter. In next few chapters things will start picking up again as they prepare to head back to work, you will see Kensi explain why she did what she did, why she didn't let Deeks kill Jack, and you will see her emotional breakdown.**


	9. Chapter 9

It was almost five that morning when Kensi began to stir from her sleep. She slowly lifted her head off Deeks chest and maneuvered to the other side of the bed. Four hours of sleep, well that is better than none she thought to herself. She turned her head to the left, as she watched the sleeping form of her partner. He looked so peaceful, so beautiful, she smiled to herself as she admired him. Once she knew she wasn't going to go back to sleep, she pulled the blankets back and silently slipped out of her bed. Kensi grabbed some clothes that were lying on top of her dresser and made her way into the bathroom to shower and get dressed for the day.

Deeks yawned and reached out across the bed, only instead of finding his girl he found cold sheets. Deeks sat up in the bed and looked around the room. He almost wanted to panic when she wasn't in the bed next to him. After all it wasn't often that she ever woke up before he did. Deeks was always up first, he was used to getting up early so he would have time to surf and shower before work. The fact she was already awake gave him reason to worry. He heard the water in the bathroom shut off. His heart calmed down a little bit when he realized she was getting out of the shower. Still he wondered what had her up before the sun today.

Deeks went to the kitchen and started their coffee, giving Kensi the time she needed to finish getting dressed. Deeks sat anxiously at the table waiting for her to come out and join him. He looked at his watch revealing it had been fifteen minutes since he had started waiting on her. "It doesn't take her that long to get ready." He mumbled to himself as he headed towards the bathroom.

"Hey sunshine coffee is ready." He said through the bathroom door. She didn't answer. "Kens, hey Kens you ok?"

"I'm fine." She replied.

"No you are not." Deeks said.

"Go away Deeks. I will be done in just a second."

Without caring if she was going to be mad at him or not Deeks opened the bathroom door. "Jesus, have you ever heard of knocking." Kensi said as she pulled her towel tightly around her body.

"It's not like I haven't seen it all before." Deeks said looking Kensi over trying to figure out what was wrong with her. She appeared fine to him. Her eyes looked puffy and red, was she crying? Was it just lack of sleep? He really didn't know at this point.

Kensi sighed and turned away from him, "Maybe I don't want you looking at me." She whispered. Deeks walked slowly towards her; resting his hands on her shoulders he felt her tense. "What is wrong Kensalina, talk to me please." He begged her.

"I have bruises all over me, my lip is busted, my ankles and wrist have burn marks on them from trying to free myself from the ropes. I don't want you seeing me like this." She said.

Deeks finally caught up to her logic. He turned her around so she was facing him. "Do you think all I see are your looks? Do you think that is all that matters to me? What I see no one else can see, it's not something visible with the eyes Kensi, it's so much more than that. Let me show you what I see." Deeks said as he turned Kensi so she was looking at her own reflection in the mirror.

"I see the eyes of my best friend that can tell me at any given time what she is thinking." Deeks reached down and took Kensi's hands in his as he brought them to her heart. "I see the heart of the woman I have loved in one way or another for a long time. I see the hands of my partner that have saved my life more than once. I see everything I have ever wanted when I look at you. I don't care if you're a walking bruise, I don't care if you cut your hair off and die it green, it doesn't change anything. It doesn't change you. Because I am in love with all of you. Every inch, everything, there will never be anyone else in the entire world like you. You are perfect weather you see it or not. I do." He said as leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to the back of her shoulder. "Now get dressed your coffee is getting cold." Deeks said as he turned and walked out of the bathroom.

As soon as the bathroom door clicked shut, Kensi let out the tears she had been holding back since Deeks started talking to her. How is it possible to love someone so much and not be able to say it? She thought to herself. She wanted to more than anything to tell him how much she loved him. She wanted to tell him how memories of their love together were the only thing that kept her going in the hell she was in. God, there was so much she wanted to tell him, she just didn't know how. She hated herself for being so week; she hated herself for not telling him the one thing he has been waiting to hear. Kensi grabbed her clothes and dressed quickly before heading to meet Deeks in the kitchen.

"About time woman." Deeks said handing her a coffee cup. "I thought I was going to have make dinner instead of breakfast at that rate you were going." Deeks said.

Kensi smiled as she sat down at the table and watched him prepare their breakfast. What had she ever done to get so lucky to have this man, she had no idea, but whatever it was she was thankful for it. This man was smart, funny, loving, and damn he could cook like you wouldn't believe. He was one of a kind. The thing Kensi loves most about him is the way he loves her, the way he looks at her like she is the most beautiful thing in the entire world. She liked the way Deeks saw her, because in his eyes she was beautiful.

"Were you thinking about me again?" Deeks asked as leaned across the table to her.

"What?" Kensi said as she was brought back to reality by the sound of his musical voice.

"I was asking you if you wanted anything to go with your pancakes, but you didn't answer me. I turned around and found you with this far of look on your face like you were day dreaming. So where were you princess, and was I in this dream?" He asked.

Kensi smiled at him, he really did know her to well. "You're in all my dreams." She said. She couldn't keep her eyes locked with his after that confession, so she lowered her head to her coffee cup and began sipping at it.

"Oh I like the sound of that, but I think you're just trying to suck up because someone wants bacon with her pancakes doesn't she?" Deeks asked.

"Maybe." Kensi replied looking back up at him.

"Good thing I know you so well darling." Deeks said as he grabbed her plate of the counter behind him with two pancakes and bacon on it. "Enjoy sweetheart. My turn to take a shower." Deeks said. "Oh and um feel free to break in the bathroom on me." He said.

Kensi almost chocked on a bite of her pancake laughing at Deeks. "In your dreams Deeks." She said with an eye roll.

"All the time sweetheart all the time. In fact there was this the one time that you and I were …."

"Deeks!"

"Fine I'm going to take a shower enjoy your breakfast. When I'm done I'm going to get Monty and take him on a walk. I think he would like it if you came too." Deeks explained.

"Ok" Kensi agreed.

"That's my girl. I will be back soon and we can go." He said with a smile that could light up four city blocks.

"I know, I know, daddy is coming boy" Deeks said to Monty as he unlocked the front door. "Hey boy did you miss me?" Deeks asked Monty. Monty walked right passed Deeks and jumped up on Kensi. "Apparently I'm not the one he missed." Deeks said.

"I am sure he missed you I haven't seen him since…"

"Almost five months now." Deeks said helping her out of the awkward moment.

"Yeah, since then." Kensi said turning her attention back to Monty.

"I will be back in just a second I am going to get his leash from the other room." Deeks explained to Kensi. Kensi silently nodded her head.

Five months, Wow! Had it really been that long since she had been here? She walked around the living room while she was trying to think. Everything was different now, they were different, she was different, God why did things have to be so complicated, she wondered to herself. Kensi stopped when she spotted a black object on the coffee. Carefully she stopped and picked it up out of the bowel that held Deeks car keys. Unknowing to her Deeks had been watching her for the last minute or so.

"You left it here that night." Deeks said as he walked up beside her. Kensi turned her head quickly to look at him; she wasn't expecting him to sneak up on her. "Sorry didn't mean to scare you."

"I um, I lost it." She said almost embarrassed at the memory of Deeks pulling this black hair tie out her hair and tossing it somewhere in the house.

"Monty fond it." Deeks replied.

"You saved it?" Kensi asked confused.

"I debated on throwing it away when I took it from Monty it was slobbery and nasty, and yeah well you don't need to hear about the fight we had over this hair tie. Even covered in slobber I still couldn't throw it away. I threw it in the laundry the next day, and it's been sitting there ever since waiting for you to come and get it one day."

"Deeks, you could have thrown it away. It's just a dollar hair tie."

Deeks leaned down and hooked Monty on the leash he had gone to get. He stood back up and turned to Kensi, "It was all I had of you to hold on to. I didn't know where you were. I didn't know if I would ever see you again. It's not the hair tie I cared about it was having part of you here with me." Deeks said as he walked out the front door with Monty. Kensi was left completely speechless by Deeks confession to her. Kensi placed the hair tie back in the bowel it came out of, and followed after Deeks and Monty.

She caught up to them at the bottom of the stairs. "I thought I might have scared you away for a second."

"No, just confused I guess."

"I didn't know a hair tie was that confusing."

" I thought you... never mind."

Deeks smirked, "You didn't realize it was yours did you? You thought it was someone else?"

"For a second I did and it hurt." She admitted.

"Kens, I told you this morning there is no one else for me but you. I meant it. Just because you were gone for five months I never forget about you not for a second. Ask anyone I drove them all crazy missing you. I don't care if it would have three years" Deeks sighed, "And if you would have never come back after us, after that night, I don't think I could ever love someone again not after loving you."

"How do you know that?" Kensi asked as they stared walking together.

"You don't know it, you feel it." Deeks explained.

**A/N: So this was just a Densi filled chapter. Sorry for the slow progression of this story but it's going somewhere I promise. I hope you all are enjoying this. Please let me know what you think or if you have anything you would like to see in here I would love to hear it. Thanks for all the reviews. **


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I cannot thank you all enough for the reviews I have been getting on this story, you guys are amazing. Here is another chapter hope you all like it.**

Kensi stood outside the door to the mission with her bag over her shoulder. She had entered this place more times than her own home probably, but why was it so hard for her to walk through the door this morning? Why was coming back here hard? The memories she had here were not painful, her friends that were family spent most of their time here. "Just walk through the door." She whispered to herself as she took two more steps in the right direction.

Hetty told her to take all the time she needed until she was ready to come back. Time, all she had was time; too much time on her hands was really the problem. Time alone gave her time to think, time to have to face what haunted her. Time was no friend of Kensi. She needed to stay busy, she needed to have something to focus on to her through the day.

"Hey back to work already?" Callen asked as he walked up beside her.

"First day back." She said.

"Well, it hasn't been the same without you. I am glad your back Kens." Callen replied.

"Thanks Callen." Kensi said.

"Shall we then?" Callen asked as he opened the door for her.

"Now or never." She replied as she took the final steps into the mission.

The further into the mission Kensi got the easier it all started to be. Sam looked up when he heard Callen talking.

"And our missing link comes home. Welcome back girl. We needed you back so bad." Sam explained.

"Deeks still driving you crazy?" Kensi questioned.

"Only about you. Believe it or not Shaggy and I are pretty tight these days."

"Really?"

"Really and truly Kensalina." Deeks said as he walked up beside Callen and his partner.

"Something's never change. I see you're still late for work." Kensi said.

"I wouldn't have been late if you were there to wake me up this morning." Deeks said as he placed his bag down on his desk.

Deeks turned and looked up to find Kensi's two toned eyes locked dead on him. She had this look in her eyes, one that Deeks knew all too well. "Touche. I will give you that one princess." He said with a smirk.

"What just happened?" Callen asked.

"I don't think I want to know." Sam said.

"You know you're probably right." Callen said, as he made his way to his desk. "Again glad your back to take your boyfriend back."

"Don't start teasing her, or I will tell her all about your girl." Deeks said with a wicked grin to Callen.

"Girl?" Kensi asked.

"Don't." Callen begged.

"I set them up." Sam jumped in.

"Michelle did." Deeks and Callen said at the same time.

Kensi smiled looking to Deeks, then back to Callen. "This sounds promising." Kensi said.

"Will this never end?" Callen asked.

"Not until I know everything." Kensi said.

"Don't please Deeks."

"He will always tell me everything." Kensi said turning to her smiling partner.

"He is more afraid of me then you." Callen said.

"I seriously doubt that." Sam added.

Eric's whistle stopped them in mid conversation, "Sorry to break up whatever it was you all were arguing about but we have a case. Move it." Eric demanded.

The four of them got up from their desk and made their way to stairs that would lead them to OSP. After they were all gathered in their usual spots, Eric and Nell began explaining the case. Kensi stopped listening about two sentences in and her mind began to wonder. What if was the game her brain decided to play on her. She hated this, she hated not being able to focus, and she hated not being able to tell them she couldn't focus because she knew they would send her home. And home was somewhere she did not want to be right now. She spent five months alone. She wanted to be surrounded by people. By her friends, her family, the ones who loved her the most. Alone was something that scared the shit out of her, because alone she had to deal with herself.

"Alright Kensi Deeks you…" Callen started.

"Actually today Ms. Jones will join Mr. Deeks in the field and Ms. Blye will take her place in here with Mr. Beale." Hetty explained.

"No." Kensi said.

"No please no." Eric begged.

"You two can work together you have done it before." Hetty reminded them.

"He is annoying." Kensi said.

"She is too bossy and she hovers over me. I can't work with hovers tell them Nell." Eric begged.

"Mr. Deeks, can you work with Ms. Jones?"

"Yes I can." Deeks said.

"And Ms. Jones can you work with Mr. Deeks?" Hetty asked.

"I have done it before." Nell answered.

"Good then seeing as that is settled continue on." Hetty said.

"Great." Kensi mumbled.

"Fantastic." Eric mumbled.

Deeks walked over to Kensi, he leaned down close to her ear and whispered, "You can handle this wonder woman, if you play nice with Eric I will bring you doughnuts."

Kensi smiled and Deeks turned and walked off after Nell.

"What did you do to make her change her mind?" Sam asked.

"Bribed her." Deeks said.

"With what? Wait no don't tell me." Sam said.

"This is Kensi there is only one thing you can bribe her with." Deeks said.

"Doughnuts."Callen and Sam said in unison.

"Bingo." Deeks said with a grin as they all headed out of the mission.

Kensi walked over to Nell's chair and sat down, folding her arms over her chest.

"That is Nell's chair."

"Well seeing as how she is in the field with my partner I doubt she is going to be using it." Kensi replied.

"Still how would you feel if I used Deeks gun?" Eric asked.

"Do you even know how to use a gun?" Kensi questioned.

"No but still that is not the point."

"Then what is? Cause right now I am begging you take Deeks gun and shot me so I can get out of spending the day stuck in here with you." Kensi replied bitterly.

Eric turned away from Kensi and started working on the computer. His hand hovered over the keyboard then he stopped. "You know you act like being stuck in here with me is a punishment."

"It's not that Eric, I just got back. It's just he is out there without me again and…"

"You are worried?"

"Yes." Kensi admitted.

"Well guess what? So am I. My partner is out there to Kensi. So why don't we work together like old times so we can bring them back in one piece and you can have your man back and I can have.."

"Your girl back." Kensi said with a smile.

"Yes." Eric said as he readjusted his glasses.

Kensi moved her chair over next to Eric's. "I can handle that." She said.

"Let's do this then partner."

Kensi wrinkled her nose at Eric's last statement. Eric froze for a second, then turned to see the look on Kensi's face "Yeah that didn't really sound right did it?" Eric asked turning his attention to Kensi.

"Not at all."

"Sidekick?" Eric suggested.

"Oh for the love of God kill me now." Kensi said as she laid her down on the desk.

**A/N: The next chapter will be the other side of the partner swap on Deeks and Nell's side. Hope you liked this switch up. I am not very good at writing Eric so I hope he wasn't too OOC for anyone. **


	11. Chapter 11

Deeks looked down at his phone for the eighth time in the last five minutes. "Are you expecting a call or do you keep forgetting what time it is?" Nell asked.

"Yes, no, I mean what?" Deeks asked looking up from his phone.

"Your phone that is like the tenth time in less than five minutes."

"Eight times not ten." Deeks replied.

"Still don't you think that is an awfully lot of times for so few minutes? What's up?" Nell questioned.

"It's Kensi." Deeks admitted as placed his phone in his back pocket.

"Is she ok?"

Deeks and Nell paused as they looked both ways before quickly walking to the other side of the street.

"I wish I knew. Ever since she has come home things have been different. I knew they would be, I expected them to be with everything she had gone through in Afghanistan I knew we couldn't just pick up where we left off. I don't even know what really happened over there. I don't even know what happened to Kens other then she came home covered in bruises and killed her ex." Deeks explained.

"Have you tried telling her this?" Nell asked.

"A millions time in my head. She told me she would talk to me when she was ready, and I believe her. I know how hard it is to talk about something like this. I know what these memories can do to you. I lived through this once, and watching her go through its killing me Nell. It's eating at my soul and there is not a damn thing I can do about it. She spends so much time saying she is ok and that she is fine I am starting to think she honestly believes that. I don't know what to do for her. Tell me what do I do?"

Nell smiled to Deeks, "I don't know what you do for her but I do know what you don't do, and that is give up. No matter how hard she pushes you don't break, don't walk away."

"What if she wants to me to walk away? What if this ordeal with Jack was more then she could take? What if?"

"What if you stop saying what if. You know you don't believe that not for a second. I will show you something but if you tell Kensi I showed you this I will hunt you down and kill you understand?"

"Understood." Deeks said.

Nell and Deeks stopped walking as Nell handed her phone to Deeks.

"_I want to tell him everything so bad Nell I am just afraid. What if he doesn't understand and he hates me already? I can't lose someone else, I am sick of losing everyone I love. I can't do it again." -Kensi_

"_If you don't tell him Kensi you're not giving him the chance to understand." –Nell_

"_What if he doesn't though?" –Kensi _

"_What if he does?" Nell _

Deeks handed Nell her phone back when he was done reading the text messages back and forth between the girls. "Why are you helping us so much?" Deeks asked.

"She is my friend and I want her to be happy. You're my friend and I want you to be happy and neither one you will ever be happy unless you're happy with each other. Believe me I know." Nell said.

"Since when did you support Kensi and I?" Deeks questioned.

"Sunshine and Gunpowder."

"She told you about that?" Deeks questioned.

"Nope. Found out all by myself."

"How?" Deeks questioned.

"If I told you then I would have to kill you and even worse than that I would have to explain to Kensi why I killed you." Nell said.

Deeks and Nell re-entered the mission a few minutes later. "What did you two find out?" Hetty asked.

"We found he has a son that just got back from Iraq weeks ago. He is suffering from PTSD right now; the father gave us the address where he could be located right now, it's a hospital. He is being treated for his injuries among other things. It's a three hour drive from here." Deeks explained.

"Very good, question the son." Hetty said, "And Mr. Deeks I want you to take Ms. Blye on this one."

"Really?" Deeks asked happily.

"Yes I do believe she would be most helpful with the son." Hetty explained.

When Deeks entered OSP Kensi was sitting in the corner looking like she was bored to death. Her face lit up a little when she saw Deeks entered the room.

"Come on lets go." Deeks said to Kensi. Kensi jumped to her feet like the floor under her had been caught on fire.

"What? I get to go this time?" She asked cheerfully.

"Yep, Hetty said I needed to take you to question the son. It's a three hour drive from here so you my friend are officially freed from OSP and allowed to go on a road trip with me. And since it's our first trip back into the field together I will even let you pick the radio station." Deeks explained to Kensi.

"Lets go now" Kensi said as she grabbed Deeks arm and dragged him out of the room.

"Damn woman in a hurry much?" Deeks asked.

"Yes before Hetty changes her mind." Kensi said.

Once they were inside the car Kensi tried to think of anything to keep her mind busy. "So why did Hetty want you to take me?"

Deeks hesitated a moment then said, "The son has PTSD just got back from war. She said we would be better to talk to him than the others because.."

"Because you were tortured and I was held hostage?"

"Pretty much." Deeks said.

"We are a perfect match." Kensi said.

"You know it sweetheart." Deeks said as he reached over and laid his hand on top of her knee. Kensi closed her eyes, she laid her hand on top of his.

"You know why I wouldn't let you do it right?" Kensi asked out of nowhere. "You know it wasn't him I was trying to protect right?"

Deeks turned his full attention to his partner; this was not something he was expecting her to bring up now driving along the highway.

" I came there to save and you wouldn't let me do it." Deeks said.

"Do you know what it's like to have memories of the person you kill haunt you every time you turn around? You see their face when you sleep, you hear their voice, you think some random stranger in a crowd is them, but it's not. It never is. It's your mind screwing with you; it's your sanity slowly slipping away, and there is not a damn thing you can do about it. Sure in time it will pass. It always does. But until it does you feel like your trapped and you feel like everything know and believe is just drifting away from you. Suddenly everything in this entire world seems to be your fault."

"Kens.."

Kensi put her hand to stop him, "Let me finish this why I have the courage to do it. I had to kill him Deeks, not for me, not for us, for you. I could never live with myself if I knew you would be going through what I am going through. You shouldn't have to carry the burden of my past. He was my ghost not yours. I didn't want to see you suffer or get hurt again because of me." Kensi explained.

"Kensi, I would kill the man a thousand times over if it could save you from what you're going through now. I would have gladly carried that burden for you. After I saw you all beaten and bruised I have never wanted to kill someone so bad in my life."

"And that is why I love you." Kensi said. She was shocked she didn't realize what she had said until the words had already left her mouth. Deeks stopped and turned to her, he didn't say a word he just smiled. He waited so long to hear those words from her. He knew they had always been there waiting to come out, he loved it even more that she said it and didn't realize it until after.

Kensi turned her head and proceeded to look out the window. "Hey Kens." Deeks called to her.

"Yeah?"

"I love you too." He said as he turned his attention back to the road.

**A/N: Thanks for reading let me know what you all think. Next chapter Kensi and Deeks will talk with the son, and Kensi will start to open up to Deeks about what happened in the desert. **


	12. Chapter 12

They walked side by side down the halls of the hospital. Deeks noticed how Kensi stayed unusually close by his side. Usually she liked the take the lead in case, but today she was walking so close by his side their arms kept grazing each other. He almost wanted to ask her about this? He decided against it as he didn't want to bring up things she wasn't ready to talk about especially in the middle of a case. Deeks wanted to know so badly what was going on with her right now. When they reached the room that held the young man they were supposed to be talking to they both stopped.

"You ready?" Deeks asked Kensi.

"Yep." Kensi said as she opened the door that led them into the room where the boy was waiting for them. They boy looked up when he heard them enter the room.

"Are you the agents I am supposed to talk to?" He asked.

"We are I am Marty Deeks and this is my partner Kensi Blye." Deeks said.

"James." The boy replied back kindly. "No offense but they said they were sending someone to talk to that could relate to me. Neither one of you look like you have been through war." The boy said.

"I haven't personally. I have been through PTSD though." Deeks said.

"Really? How did you manage that?"

"I got tortured." Deeks responded.

"I am sorry to hear that. But torture here is not like torture at the hands of Taliban leaders. That is just something no one understands until they live it."

"I was held for six days by the Taliban in Afghanistan." Kensi said speaking up for the first time since they had entered the room.

James turned his attention to Kensi, "It's a miracle you're still alive. I have seen what those bastards do. Especially to the woman soldiers because they think they will break first. They torture them worse than the men. They beat me on the bottom of my feet with metal pipes." James said as he lifted his foot from the wheel chair and showed Kensi the souls of his feet. Kensi exhaled. She turned her back to James and lifted up the bottom of her shirt. "They did it to my back." Kensi replied. She dropped her shirt back down and turned her attention back to James. She could feel Deeks gaze burning through her, she could only imagine the look on his face as he saw the bruises that were covering her lower back.

"I understand what they did to you, because they did it to me. We lost an agent over there, and I had to kill a man I have known nearly my entire life because this man was the reason I was sent. This man was my mission." Kensi explained.

"Did you complete your mission?" James asked.

"Yes." Kensi answered.

"How did you make it out alive?" James questioned.

Kensi turned her attention to Deeks, "This man right here is the only reason I am alive today."

"You must care about her a lot. Going in on a rescue mission is usually suicide. It's rare when we get to come home and tell our stories." James said to Deeks.

"I care about her more than anything in this entire world." Deeks admitted.

James turned his attention to Kensi, "You're very lucky to have someone so honorable to watch your back. My partner was a traitor, and I had to kill him."

Kensi turned to Deeks without a word he knew what she needed. He nodded his head, "If you need me I will be right outside."

"Thank you." She said.

"He knows you well. He can see what you want without you even have to speak it. My partner was never like that. He loves you doesn't he?" James asked.

"He does." Kensi said.

"You love him too?"

"Very much." Kensi admitted.

Deeks paced the hallway nervously as he waited for Kensi to finish talking to the boy. Deeks knew he wasn't dangerous, that is the only reason he left Kensi alone with him. The two of them shared something, they went through the same situation it was only normal for her to be the one to question the boy on what he knew and remembered. Deeks looked down when his phone began to ring.

"Hey Nell, what is it?"

"Any luck with boy?" Nell asked.

"Kensi is in there talking to him now." Deeks said.

"And what are you doing?"

"Currently walking circles up and down the hallway waiting for her."

"Have faith Deeks she knows what she is doing." Nell replied.

"You're right she made it five months without me to watch her back I am sure she can survive the next twenty minutes." Deeks said.

"Stop blaming yourself for her getting captured Deeks, and go back her up." Nell ordered.

"You know you're starting to sound an awful lot like Hetty."

"Goodbye Deeks." Nell said before she disconnected the call.

The door to the room opened and Deeks sighed in relief she was back in his sight.

"Hey Kensi." James called to her right before she shut the door.

"Tell him, trust me it helps having someone who understands." James said.

"Thank you." Kensi said as she shut the door to his room.

"You ok?" Deeks asked.

"I will be." She replied.

"Great best news I have heard all day. Now is there any chance we can get the hell out of here hospitals really creep me out these days." Deeks explained.

"Gladly." Kensi replied.

"You hungry?" Deeks asked.

"Always" Kensi said with a smile to her partner.

"Where do you want to go?" Deeks asked.

"I was thinking we could just go back to your place and call for something. I.."

"My place it is then." Deeks said as he opened the door that led out of the hospital for Kensi.

They entered his house together like they had on so many nights when their days work had been completed.

"Pizza or Chinese?" Deeks asked as he grabbed the phone to call in their dinner order.

"Pizza sounds good." Kensi said trying her best to smile a little just for him.

"Pizza it is sunshine." He said as he phoned in their order.

Kensi stood with her back facing towards Deeks as she looked out the window of his place. She stood in this very spot five months ago, the night everything changed for them. She knew what she had to do; she knew the only way she was ever going to get over this was to share it with Deeks. She didn't want to cause him pain, she didn't want him to feel bad for her for the things she went through over in Afghanistan. The thing she was most worried about was him blaming himself. She could hear his approaching footsteps stop just behind her. She closed her eyes as she waited for him to wrap his arms around her waist and pull her body close to his like he had the night they first stood here together. He didn't though; instead he rested his hands on her shoulders. Deeks noticed how jumpy she had been lately with everyone; he didn't want to push his luck with making her feel trapped like that. Kensi exhaled.

"Granger sent me out into the desert three days before I got taken to take the target out. I didn't do it. I couldn't. The target was Jack. I don't know what happened to me in that moment. I panicked, I freaked out at seeing him again after all these years. My mind locked up on me and I missed the shot purposely." Kensi explained. Deeks didn't say a word he just rubbed her shoulders gently encouraging her to continue on.

"I wanted so badly to believe he was a good guy I lost sight of the mission. We brought him back to the camp Sabatino and I, and we questioned him. He told us he was working undercover to try and find this white ghost out. He said he knew who it was and where we could find him. I was stupid and I trusted him. I was so stupid for trusting someone I haven't known in years. Granger order Sabatino to go with Jack out into the desert to do recon. He told me to stay behind, and then Granger left."

"But you didn't stay did you?" Deeks asked.

Kensi shook her head no, "No I didn't stay. I followed them out into the desert. I don't know why honestly, but something was not right. I didn't know if it was Sabatino or Jack, but one of them was lying. So I took the horse and snuck out when everyone was busy. I was so stupid Deeks I messed up so bad." Kensi said as she turned around and faced Deeks for the first time since she had started telling her story.

Deeks took Kensi's hand. "What happened after you went into the desert?"

"Are you sure you really want to know?" Kensi questioned.

"I have to Kens, I have to know. Or I am going to crazy imaging things." Deeks admitted.

"We were out there for a few hours; I don't know exactly how long it had been. We were getting close to the area that Jack said belonged to the white ghost and his tribe. I remember turning my back on Jack to ask Sabatino something, and after that the next thing I remember I woke up in a cave. I was tied up my head wouldn't stop pounding long enough for me to focus on anything. They would take turns different members of the Taliban coming in to beat me." Kensi said as she started crying. Deeks reached out and brushed the tears away from her face gently with his thumb.

"Sometimes they would just use their hands, sometimes they would wait until I couldn't take no more that day and I would fall over and collapse then they would kick me like a stray dog. Sometimes they would try and torture information out of me. But I never broke never. They killed Sabatino. I thought they were going to kill me. It had been two days since I had any water, and another two since I had ate. I thought I was going to die in the cave Deeks. I didn't think I would ever see you again. I started drifting in between sleep and awake, and that is where I found you. Every time I closed my eyes you were there. Our memories together were the only thing that kept me going, you're what kept me alive." Kensi said as she let out everything she had been holding onto since their return home.

Deeks reached out taking Kensi into his arms. "Shh, I got you. You are safe now baby girl no one will ever hurt you again I swear to it."

"I don't know why he didn't kill me Deeks." Kensi said she fisted Deeks shirt in her hand as they continued to hold onto each other. "I am so sorry, I am sorry Deeks." She kept repeating over and over again.

"It's not your fault Kens. None of this, you shouldn't have ever been sent over there. Never." Deeks said. He pulled back a little bit still holding Kensi in his arms. He put his finger gently under her chin and tilted her head up so he could look into her eyes. "I would have done anything in this world to find you. I don't care if I had to torture Granger myself for information. There is nothing in this entire world that I wouldn't do for you Kensi. I have never been so afraid in my life as I was that day I found out you were taken. All I could think was what if I never got to do this." Deeks cupped her face in between his hands and kissed her. It was passionate and tender at the same time. It was five months in the making; it was everything they needed right now in this moment. Deeks broke the kiss first. He waited until Kensi opened her eyes and looked right into his before he whispered, "I love you Kensi."

Kensi smiled shyly at him, she placed her hands on top of his that were still cradling her face. "I love you too Deeks I think I always have." She admitted. Just as Kensi was leaning in to kiss Deeks again the doorbell rang. Kensi paused and laughed, "Dinner is here." Deeks said.

"Just when things were getting good we get interrupted by the pizza delivery guy." Kensi said.

"If it wasn't him it would have been Nell." Deeks said as he made his way to the door.

"Or Eric." Kensi shouted as he neared the front door.

**A/N: Thank you to all of you who have been leaving reviews. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. **


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: This is the final chapter to this story. Thank you to everyone who has been reading and leaving reviews it means the world to me. Hope you enjoy! **

"You done?" Deeks asked as he stood up with his plate.

"Yeah." Kensi said as she shoved the last bite of pizza in her mouth and handed her empty plate over to Deeks. "Thank you."

"Technically I didn't cook it so really you should be thanking the pizza boy I guess." Deeks said trying to lighten the mood.

"I wasn't thanking you for the food. I was saying thank you for everything. For coming to find me, for not giving up, for you being you." Kensi said honestly.

"Wow! Are we having a moment?" Deeks asked.

"If you don't ruin it we will have more than a moment." Kensi said as she got up off the couch and made her way towards Deeks. She stopped right in front of him and wrapped her arms around his waist. She lifted her head from his chest and started placing sweet kisses on his jaw, then let her path trail down his neck. Deeks closed his eyes, "The hell with the damn dishes." Deeks said as he let the plates fall out of his hand.

Kensi smiled as Deeks grabbed her by the hips, "Took you long enough to ditch the plates." Kensi said.

"They were my favorite plates." Deeks shot back.

"I know something you like better." Kensi said as she bit down on his shoulder. "Jesus Kens." Deeks said as he started trying to move them in the direction of his room. "Hold on to me." He ordered.

"Forever." Kensi replied as she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. Deeks lifted her up into his arms as they walked down the hall to his room. He sat her down once they had made it to the confines of his room. He walked towards her slowly and reached his hands out to her. Kensi took his hand in hers and let him lead her to him. Once she was where he wanted her, he rested one hand on her hip, and the other went to the side of her face. He gently traced the fading bruise with his thumb. She closed her eyes at the feel of his gentle touch against her tender skin. God how she missed this. Deeks leaned in and captured her lips for the sweetest kiss they have ever shared. It wasn't hurried, it wasn't a cover kiss, it was real. It was love, it was them.

Deeks moved his kisses down her neck. He traced the delicate line of her collarbone with his tongue causing Kensi to arch her body into his. His hands moved down her body till he grasped the bottom of her shirt. Kensi pulled back lifting her arms from around his neck to allow him to pull her top over her head. His hungry gaze roamed over her body. Kensi dropped her head looking down at the floor. She couldn't lock eyes with her lover right now, she was nervous of Deeks seeing her body still recovering from her capture. The worst of her injuries were healed now; all she now carried around were the last few remnants of fading bruises, and two new scars.

Deeks lifted her chin so she had no choice but to look at him. "I can never tell you enough how gorgeous you are. You're amazing." Deeks said.

Kensi grabbed Deeks by the belt and pulled him towards her this time as she walked back leading them to the bed. Deeks hovered above her, he placed his hands just beside her head, as he leaned down for another intoxicating kiss. Deeks kissed every cut and every bruise he found on her body, while he sweetly whispered to her over and over again how much he missed her, and how perfect she is. After Deeks was satisfied he kissed every place on her that needed to be kissed he returned hovering above her.

Kensi reached up and ran her hand over the scruff of his jaw and continued a path until it rested just above his heart. "In my darkest hour your light saved me. Every kiss, every touch, every second with you was all I had to hold onto. In my heart I found us, I found love." Kensi said through her own tears.

Deeks was stunned by Kensi's heartfelt confession. He took his left hand and placed it on her heart, mirroring what she was doing to him. "No matter where you go in this life I will never leave you. All you have to do is find me inside your heart, that is where I will stay forever." Deeks said before he leaned down and kissed the love of his life.

Without the darkness we face the light wouldn't be nearly as beautiful when we finally see it. Inside of all of us there is a dark place, a place we never want to have to go. But right there by that darkness is our light, or hope, or souls. Every now and then two people get lucky enough to find the other half of them, their missing link. Love can overcome anything this world throws at us all we have to do is believe in it, and they did.


End file.
